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gina holsopple

bodies: a lesson in control

we try to control water in little dug ditches that zigzag their way
along roads and under bridges and we try to control bodies
so if you feel something too strongly, it's probably not right
and if you don't look like we say you should you probably should diet someone told me once if i ate enough celery
i would be just as thin
so i took that tray of vegetables and i dove right in until
i almost made myself sick with so much stringy celery
until i finally got with it and looked up and said
'tell me. who do you think you are that you know what i should eat?
and how i should look? and what i should speak?
and if i weighed two-hundred pounds i would beat your ass
but unfortunately there's too much celery in my past
so you just wait until i learn how to breath more fire and learn
to unleash this ferocious desire
you better believe that one day i'll come running
you better believe that that day will be stunning'

someday water will run free of little dug ditches and i will embrace
all my bodily glitches and then i will look you straight in the face
and say 'god. we're in this beautiful place
shouldn't we live like we're one with the earth and explore all
of our bodily worth.'
then i will kiss you full on the lips and i won't care who's watching
because that's just how it is
when you're not afraid of the body you've learned to know so well
and you can trust everything that your body will tell you

 

something unexpected

let me tell you about how i live my life
i try to do more than just getting by
and though i may appear so confident
inside i'm convincing myself to get over it

you came to ask me do i regret these things
i told you know, but i think you think i'm wondering
i try my best to not get pushed around
and i can handle the kind of love i've found

the biggest trick is to take this wreck
and to make it quickly into something unexpected
they always said i was a fine upstanding kid
maybe so but i just couldn't handle it

i paid attention to their faces
so when my turn came i didn't make the same mistake
with every move i eliminate the traces
of the muddy water we use to clean our faces

every time i would try and concentrate
voices would start telling me 'gina, this does not relate-
there's a world outside that is dying of hunger
there's a rising tide. the screaming's louder than the thunder'

it's hard to feel like we're not going down
a slippery slope in this crazy town
if you look at my life you might think i'd already gotten there
but i'm just trying to breathe and i'm trying to care

i can relate to the bird
that tried to fly through the glass and wound up getting hurt
there was always someone there to invalidate
the work i would do and the progress that i would make

the biggest trick is to take this wreck
and to make it quickly into something unexpected
they always said i was a fine upstanding kid
maybe so but i just couldn't handle it

i'm not begging you to love me
i would not ask for you to waste your time
i went to the water only looking for answers
but i knew indifference is all i'd find

let me tell you about how i live my life
i try to do more than just getting by
and though i may appear so confident
inside i'm convincing myself to get over it

 

woman

i turned on the television someone was singing
and they muted all the references to smoking
but they weren't afraid to say whore and they weren't afraid to say more
i am learning

i saw you last night in the face of a man
who was trying so desperately to be my friend
he just wanted someone to talk to and i told myself it was not you
i am learning

i am learning how to be a lady and they are giving lessons
on how to be a girl
but excuse me if i would rather be a woman in this world

i'm not a market, so i'm not for sale
don't look at my escort like she should be male
just because i came alone doesn't mean i want to find someone
i am learning

i am learning how to be a lady and they are giving lessons
on how to be a girl
but excuse me if i would rather be a woman in this world

i know you're thinking 'well, we've gotten somewhere.'
i know it's true but i can move my own chair
and there's still way too much violence. there's still way too much silence
i am learning

there's something beautiful in the way she held her ground
there's something tragic in what happens around town
i am still young yet there are things i've seen i can't forget
i am learning

i am learning how to be a lady and they are giving lessons
on how to be a girl
but excuse me if i would rather be a woman in this world…

 

what it might be like

i was not prepared for this
i was not expecting you tonight
although i had dreamt about what it might be like
would we reconcile?
would we talk awhile?
or would i start falling in your smile?

it had been a long journey through my head and across the midwest
just me and my thoughts and my car and the songs on the radio
made me feel like a rock star
i stopped in a small town just an hour away from where you were staying
when i looked up and saw you
i hope you didn't notice how much i was shaking
you looked better than i remember when my world revolved around you

i couldn't believe all you were saying
after all these years i thought you hated me
but you opened your arms and said 'thank you
for everything you have meant to me.'
and i thought
look at all you do. you're a beauty too.
and how can i even begin to thank you

it's been a fine life and quite a ride
and i'm not sure what i did to deserve this lovely night
it's been a fine life. a fine life
and i must have done something good to get to have this night

i wish i could have told you everything that i was thinking
but five years is a long time
and a lot has happened in my mind
but if you'll stay awhile i'll try to make you smile
and if you share your life, i'll share mine

would we reconcile?
would we talk awhile?
or would i start falling in your smile?

would we reconcile?
would we talk awhile?
and i am still lost in your smile.

 

hands

on a warm spring day so far from the winter's pain
i thought of your story and how i had changed
as if i could bring you back by just whispering your name

i watched you say goodbye. i stood there crying.
you smiled and closed your eyes

then all i saw were hands that had seen some trouble
lines of dirt mapped out a life that had known some struggle
and though your eyes didn't betray your story
i was moved by your hands

i'm surrounded by the sounds of the city
the noise can curve and bend around me
but i can still here the rain

so i tried to paint you a picture
just to show you how much i would miss you

but all i drew were hands that had seen some trouble
lines of dirt mapped out a life that had known some struggle
no eyes were there to betray your story
but i was moved and all i saw
were hands that had seen some trouble
lines of dirt mapped out a life that had known some struggle
and though your eyes didn't betray your story….
i was moved by your hands

 

coming down from the mountain

i've got a plan i think will work real well
see the job you do now is hard to sell
i'll build you a shack so you will feel at home
and i'll work you hard when the rich men come

this land is watered with your sweat and tears
i know you've lived here a hundred years
but i've got the big guns and i've got the time
and i'm gonna show you that this land is mine

we've come again to this tragic place
expanded profits for a quicker pace
i'll take your field and i'll take your home
and i'll work you hard so that the rich men come

the people soon began to gather around
and they stood upon this sacred ground
they said "there's no way you can make us leave.
we've got help coming down from the mountain.

"we've come to make a revolution
we've come to find a new solution
see your guns have made their way around
and we are coming down from the mountain.

"there's power when you organize
and you've taken one too many lives
see all they wanted was to live in peace
and to feel this soil beneath our feet"

and the people soon began to gather around
and they stood upon this sacred ground
they said "there's no way you can make us leave
cause we are coming down from the mountain.

"yes we are coming down from the mountain."

 

off guard

there was always someone there to tell me the world wasn't safe
don't be caught off guard without your keys and without your can of mace
so i started watching my back i started picking up my pace
i was learning how to run and i was hardening my face

i remember the night that we were walking side by side
i saw him reach out to hit you way before he ever tried
i was a second too late to reach out and pull you in
you were so young then but you were learning how to walk like me

there is danger this time and i am walking the middle line
my head is high my mind is wired. i'm feeling kind of tired
the shadows are moving like they did when i was three
i may not be going far, but i will not be caught off guard

i wanted to take a walk just to get a chance to clear my head
so don't think that when you hollered i didn't hear a word you said
there is not a woman that i know that hasn't been there too
and it may be harmless but you try to smile when someone screams at you

there is danger this time and i am walking the middle line
my head is high my mind is wired. i'm feeling kind of tired
the shadows are moving like they did when i was three
i may not be going far, but i will not be caught off…

story after story i've been told
i cringe, my body aches and it just gets old

i didn't ask to have to pay attention to where you were
and i can't help hating the way you stared at her

i didn't ask so you would pontificate on what you do
and don't even say society is your excuse

there is danger this time….

 

lullaby

now i lay me down to sleep
i close my eyes and i start to weep
the weight of the world
is running down my legs
but the voices of women
are singing in my head. they say,

goodnight baby. we love you.
goodnight darling of mine.
you'll be just fine.
we promise the sun will warm your skin
and we promise the rain will come again.

rock-a-bye baby in the treetop
when the wind blows the cradle will rock
but then the bow breaks and the cradle will fall
and down will come baby
cradle and all

so goodnight baby. we love you
goodnight darling of mine
you'll be just fine.
we promise the sun will warm your skin
and we promise the rain will come again

goodnight baby. i love you
goodnight darling of mine
you'll be just fine.
i promise the sun will warm your skin
and i promise the rain will come again

i promise the moon will warm your skin
and i promise the sun will come again